The Great Debate

Ok, so I have been debating on my next move. Literally. July 4, 2009 is rapidly approaching - Christ, its practically April! 3months left to get my act together. And its not like I've been slacking, I've been coming up with ideas and plans. I practically have my own personal catch phrase - "my new life plan is ..." then I fill in the blank. I've come up with numerous "life plans" ranging from the extravagant and impractical to the downright boring.

I spent most of 2008 looking at condos in the 'burbs and found quite a few that I really liked. But I never had that "A-ha" moment. Nothing felt quite right, nothing fit me. I took a step back to evaluate what I - me, as an individual, as a single professional - wanted in my life. I want adventure, freedom, and mobility which is harder to accomplish while being tied down with a mortgage. The idea of buying a condo got the boot - and yes, I know its a great time to buy. Thankyouverymuch.

Next I was going to London. By 2010. To work, to travel, to just get out there and live a little. The outline of the plan is this: I'll get my visa, apply for 6-12month working contract in my field, find a flat, call a friend, and cross that pond. Totally practical, right? Yea, especially since I've never even crossed the Atlantic before. I did start collecting the necessary documents to apply for the work visa but then...

The FBI is going on a major hiring spree. The answer to my prayers! My ultimate goal in life has been to work as a special agent within the government. Heck, my degree is in criminal justice! I am a card carrying member of the FOID (firearms owner identification) card. I watch Cops, read novels written by former FBI/CIA agents, and debate on taking the L-SAT on a weekly basis for this specific purpose! I applied...for 5 positions. Now the wait is on, applications are open through November then its at least 1-2 years of screening IF I even make it past the application process. Which makes it ideal to remain in the country. Bye-bye London, I'm sorry we never met.

Now I'm Chicago-bound. I always pictured myself in The City - working, living, dating, loving, you name it I want it. My friend S constantly says that I have a major crush on Chicago. And I do.

I have applied for several positions and I actually got an interview. This past Monday, I actually got an offer! I know, even in this economy. Now the debate is - do I take the plunge, knowing I'd be settling for a minor salary increase and slightly worse benefits? Not only that but I find myself doubting the change and questioning everything: If I move out there who will visit me? Can I make it on my own? Will I regret this?

And here I sit, a week later, still struggling with this decision. Why am I so scared?