D8ing

Being newly single I have realized how much things have changed with dating. In my past relationships there was a set protocol on how things worked: you met, he called, you talked for hours then you dated. But things are not as they were 6+ years ago. Granted I no longer am the phone talker that I was in my high school/early college days - now there just isn't enough time (or patience) in a day to spend 2+ hours on the phone with one person. I get and embrace that.

C is a text messager. I have no particular qualms with this - its nice to know during the work day that he is thinking of me...but we haven't actually spoken to each other for over a week. Last Thursday was a text message day, then on Saturday, then again last night. All without a follow up phone call. When it comes to dating, what are the texting rules?

To me, texting while dating is confusing. I want a little more. I want to engage in an actual conversation to gauge your personality through your voice influxes. I want to ask you questions about your day, or week, or weekend. I want to connect verbally with you, not just through the written form - especially while we're first dating and still trying to get to know each other.

Texting does not lend any of this to the dater. There is something lost while using this technology - quips aren't as funny, conversations are stifled, too much thought (or not enough) is taken between texts, there is no mutual sign off. Frankly, its just not as natural.

Take last night's texting for example with *my internal dialog*

C: What does your week look like? We should try to grab dinner or something
*Yay! He wants to go out...did he really just ask me out through text again?

Me: I'm free thurs fri sat
*Crap, did I just say I was free ALL weekend. That looks lame. Whatever it is only Monday

C: K, I have some meetings in FL at the end of this week. I get back Sat afternoon...we could shoot for that
*FL? Interesting - for work I'm assuming. So are we hanging out or not, what if he is too tired... How do I put all of this in a text...

Me: Ah jealous even if it is for work. Sounds good
*Pretty curious about this trip. I wonder...

C: Yea it could be in worse places. I still hate traveling

END SCENE

Now I'm left with an interesting text-ersation and a million questions: Does he actually hate traveling or does he just hate traveling for work? Does he travel often for work? Maybe he's scared of flying? If he's getting back Saturday will he be too tired to hang out? Will he call when he gets in? When is he actually leaving for this trip?

Besides being left hanging on several issues, there are also times when you just can't let your personality shine through. On Saturday he texted me from the Cubs game. I made some quip about him being a free loader (his friend has season tickets) then had to add "j/k" to it just to make sure he understood. I mean, that line would have been much better delivered verbally, and yes, I wanted to hear him laugh and not read "lol".

When should the line be drawn with text messaging? Is it the guy's way of keeping you at a distance or do they genuinely have no clue?

I Googled it. The issues is pretty split. There are articles written by guys say no to texting while other say yes. Same with the ladies. I guess it all comes down to personal preference. So, the next time he texts to make plans my response will include the request for a phone call.