A dose of LSD

I finally did it. Everything lined up for this, it was my #1 goal for this summer. Yesterday, I finally rode my bike along LSD - Lake Shore Drive. I was off work, on a day without rain for once. So I took advantage. Of course after buying groceries (I had been without fresh food for 2weeks!).

My apartment is about 3miles from the lake front. Then where I get on LSD bike path I'm about 3miles from North Avenue Beach. Once I got there I laid out on the sand, book in hand, i-Pod set to shuffle. It was peaceful. The weather wasn't great for tanning but I think there were times when the sun peaked through the clouds. I met the ex's bff for lunch - he works on the beach - at Castaways. We sipped on Miami-Vices and caught up. After I jumped back on the bike, riding over 16miles along the lake, stopping at different beaches. By the time I got home I was dead tired. And a little grimy feeling. I jumped in the shower then did absolutely nothing. It was a perfect day. A day of JD.

Plus I was able to reflect on a couple of things that have happened this week:

WEDNESDAY
I had a date with Logan. We met several weeks ago at a bar. I barely remembered the guy but I apparently gave him my number after paying for a shared cab. We met at a bar. And luckily he was there firt, positioned facing the direction I would be walking. As I approached, he waved. Phew. My biggest fear was not knowning who he was then looking like a tool walking around the bar. When we met initally I was super tanked, and since he called I had been racking my brain trying to piece together what he looked like. He is brunette, average guy height, big eyebrows, and has a Peter Pan type face (pointy features, high cheek bones).

Conversation was easy - especially since I was basically listening to him talk most of the time. I wasn't totally annoyed by this, but I know a lot about him now. I'm not sure he could say the same about me. He grew up in Michigan, after a couple years out of college him and a buddy picked up and moved to Chicago. He is working on putting together an insurance agency, but his real money maker right now is at a golf store. He has been doing that for 2years. He likes theater. He leaves Sunday mornings open for church. He is apart of 2 church groups (volleyball & ultimate fris). He doesn't swear. Right. I swear. A. Lot. The "f" word is my favorite. Needless to say that throughout the night I appologized several times when I let one slip. Although he is a very nice guy, I'm a little put off by him. The combination of his Peter Pan looks & goody-good lifestyle is the exact opposite of me. But at least he drinks. Albiet a little slower than me, but if he didn't drink at all that would have been a deal breaker.

After dinner, we went inside for a couple of rounds of pool. Then on the bus ride back he offered to walk me to my door. Then we decided we should play some Wii, just for a bit. He didn't head out until 1:30am. Hug goodbye. Around 9:30am the next day I recieved a text from him, "good morning sleepy head" was the opener. Really?!? Is this guy for real. He just said he had a wonderful time with me & wanted to do it again. Soon. That night he called, I was out so I didn't answer, & left a message. It was a tad long. Asking to have a movie night. I haven't called or texted back. I'm reeling on what I want to do. Do I really want to start something with yet another guy? Am I even interested? Could I go out with him 1 more time? I decided that I could, well only go out with him again. It doesn't hurt to have people in your corner or friends. I'll just have to make that point clear...

THURSDAY-DAY
I was tired from the night before. And a little hung over. Work was work, but better than the previous days since my at times over-bearing supervisor was gone. The ex had been emailing me with a lot more regularity. I'm ok with it because it has been friendly. But on Thursday it was boarder-line. He asked me over for dinner the night before - he was going to be cooking salmon. I declined because I had a date. This I think threw him for a loop. He began asking questions about how I meet people, ect. At one point he mentioned that he didn't know what he wanted. By knowing him and how our break up had gone to this point, I'm pretty sure he wants me to run to him with open arms and pick up where we left off pre-break up. I feel like he moved downtown after he realized I had so he could try to make amends. His friend & I discussed some of this at our lunch yesterday. They live together now. He says the ex is having some trouble getting back into the dating game - basically since he has none, no game that is. He is even on Match.com. Everything I found out made/makes me sad. I feel guilty and although I know I shouldn't, I really do. I want him to be able to move on and be happy and have a great life...

THURSDAY NIGHT
"I like you, almost to a fault" he said as his lips lightly touched my, his hand carassing my breast & moving down my side. My heart raced. My senses elevated. I felt like I was floating. All of this came rushing back, just by his touch. It wasn't much longer when I pressed the pause button with him. We had things to discuss. Although, in retro-spect nothing about our conversation cleared anything up. Its still muddeled.

C and I had texted a bit over my commute home from work. He invited me over to check out his new furniture and hang out for a bit. I went. We had some beers, made roadies & hit the pavement in search of a good dinner spot. The conversation was smooth, equal, caring. We are able to discuss anything and everything from work to hopes to Daisy in Love. Over dinner he turned the conversation serious, the first time he asked me about my past relationship with the ex. The weather had turned cool on our walk back. He drapped his arms around me - my skin tingled. He was warm. Strong. The sidewalk ended right near my car. I turned to go. He grabbed me, hugging, asking me to come back to his place. I tried to say no, but I couldn't.

After a glass of wine, he made his move. I let him. We fell right back into our old routine. It felt great. Then it started to feel weird. Didn't he just say a mere 4wks ago that this was too much? I stopped and tried to address it. Nothing was resolved. He apologized about how he acted, said he missed me, but he does not want a relationship. I told him he made it seem like it was my fault that we were picking things up when he was also responsible. I questioned why he would limit himself when everything was going well - it was fun, exilerating, why put rules on that? He had no answer. The kissing picked up and I did stay the night. We were glued to each other throughout the night. We had minimal sleep. A lot of kissing. My lips are chapped. Now, who knows what will happen.

TODAY
The plan is the gym, the beach, oh & trying to get the all-illusive Bears tickets. Yep. Football is right around the corner & HOLY HELL I CAN NOT WAIT. I will only devote 2hrs to trying to get tickets and I am not hopeful that I will succeed. Friends say it takes 4-6hrs to get tickets, IF you can get through the busy signal. This weekend is the first weekend that I don't have any plans. None. Zip. I'm kind of relishing in that. Sometimes I just like having a weekend of me. Doing what I want.