No Baby Here...

I can't say life has been amazing since I left the blogosphere. I can't say I've done anything of note or've been so busy I couldn't have dropped a line. I just was done. For a while at least. Maybe because I always thought I'd never tell my friends I blogged, so when I did and we talked about what I wrote I realized I could never be completely honest. Or maybe, I just got busy at work. I think its a combination, but mostly the later.

In the past 9 months I have successfuly NOT gotten knocked up. I haven't won the lottery, traveled the world (ok, maybe for only 12 days), gone back to school, fell in love... I have no excuses. I guess I was just sick of it. And now that I've been MIA I guess this blog is for me. And if you came back after all these months to just check, it's for you too.

Currently my thoughts are scattered. I recently made my first treck across the great Atlantic, traveled an amazing country and am left in awe. I've come back to my life with only a few who know what I've experienced, and less who know what I'm processing. On top of that, the guy (yes #2) I've been doing this silly dance with for about 2yrs is on his month long vacation now. I miss him. Or I miss our sex. I can't determine what is really real or what is contrived. I'm sad we never really tried and could be loosing out on something major just because we were scared. After Lolla he's gone for 3yrs...Seattle. Its not gone-gone but there's no use. It's perpetually on my mind.

Friends I've made over the past month are creeping up into my thoughts every day. I remember everything we've shared and know I may not be the girl that have the quips but at least we had real conversations. I am 27 for God's sake. I was specifically unnerved by one guy, Denver. He had my number. Immediately. It was exciting, nerve racking, comfortable all at the same time. I purposely avoided him at times, times where drinking & dancing were involved. There was a palpatory vibe that was scary. And he had a girl friend. And he wasn't even my type. Job-less. Car-less. Living in Denver. I regret the times I pulled back just a little. I've reached out to him since but theres really nothing to reach out to is there?

I feel lucky though. I've had such good karma, so far undeserved. I have a great family I wish I was closer too. Same can go for my friends. Yet at the exact same time I feel lonely, confused, and old. I thought that at my age - 27 - life would be figured out...meaning fiance/husband, house, career. All I have is an apartment, friends I see every couple weeks, and a job. 3 more years I suppose to "get my act together". I am jealous and envious of those who have a passion in life while I'm still drowing in possibilities. I'm hopeful I'll figure it out...because as we all know when you turn 30 THIS is your life. 3 more years...