Responsibility...and other shameful anecdotes

In my life I am very responsible. I pay all of my bills on time. I am punctual for work and rarely (if ever) call in sick. I am conscious of the others around me. Then...put a few drinks in me and these things tend to be put on its head. I am not a responsible drunk.

In all reality, I am pretty responsible even when intoxicated. Or at least I really try to be...at the beginning of the night. I give my friends things that I typically loose to hold for me. I single out at least $10 cash for a cab ride so I don't spend it. I always make it to the toilet to puke.* This all sounds good on paper, except when it comes to the intake of alcohol. I have no off button. I can never have just one. And this tends to lead to bad or awkward scenarios.

Out of college I got a job where I interned - everyone got a job at this place after they interned so the staff was between the ages of 21-26. Which led to a lot of happy hours. And excessive drinking/partying. What I am about to share is probably one of my worst moments which had to be pieced together by friends. Now looking back I can almost laugh at it, mostly because I actually survived without being thrown in jail.

After the summer outing at the outdoor horse track it was decided to continue the party at the local bar. Several hours later, I found myself in this bar with fancy dressed Asians attempting to get a drink. Moments after I was escorted out by police and what looked like circus staff to be questioned. I had crashed a wedding at a hotel, one block away from the track.

Immediately the water works were on - I was confused, didn't have my purse or phone, and apparently my car was parked in the front of the hotel with the ignition on. Luckily the hotel manager did not press charges and the officers went bye-bye (after they moved my car and gave me my belongings from it). And while the staff fed me water I, by the grace of God, was able to remember S's phone number to call for a pick-up. Granted it was a hysterical call. And it was her parent's house number. Needless to say waking up in a hotel is interesting. Between S coordinating with the ex my ride (who btw sucked - refusing to get me initially) and me staying at HLo's so she could drive me to my car the next morning, this was not one of my finer moments.

And there are others, most not so desperate or terrible. Those moments are typically funny and more light hearted but some may still have that moral hangover lingering the next day due to embarrassment. But who doesn't have those stories? Everyone I know does...even the good ones have those stories.

Anywho, things have definitely gotten better and officially last night I had a major break through: I stopped drinking so I could make it home.

Yesterday there was a work function. And as we know from past experiences I tend to keep the party going. I however only had 2, count them: 1, 2 glasses of wine! Success! I had arrainged to stay at HLo's since she lives very close to this function but I didn't need to. On purpose. The wine was oh-so-good but I restrained. Granted should the group have wanted to stay another 20min, restraining would have been a tad more difficult but I was determined not to sleep : 1) on the couch, or B) in my car, then be forced to wear the same clothes to work the next day - its a little telling.

But those 1-2 glasses of oh-so-good wine did give me a little buzz and driving home (buzz driving is not drunk driving!) I made my second attempt at sexting to C. Which I have come to find out is socially awkward and pathetic coming from me. Oh - did I not share the utterly SOBER embarrassing sext from earlier this week?

Rewind to Tuesday. Work sucks. I'm swamped and stressed. I need a stress reliever. The light bulb pops on revealing the answer in big bold letters: "S-E-X". Perfect! I will text C to see what he is up to tonight, but I will tempt him with sex. Great idea, right? I however am way to literal and manage to write this: lets have sex tonight k? Followed by: i don't mean to smother you but my head is in the gutter today. Um, hello?!? Totally lame right? I see that - no, actually I SAW that immediately after I hit the send button. He did reply & yes, we met up later - it was a sleepover on a school night.

Back to the drive home last night. Normal texting with C, then when the textersation was at its end I decided one more should do it. I'll sext, right? But make it better than the day before.

Ok, what I am about to share is utterly embarassing (the booze made me do it!) but there is a bigger picture here which I will selflessly use as an example to show others who also struggle with the idea of "sexting" on what not to do.

To you socially awkward texters I say this: Please don't do it. Even if the sext is well thought out, its really not. Its dumb. And probably really awkward. It does not sound as good to others as it may to you. Let sleeping dogs lie - especially if you are not even a dirty talker during sex then sexting is not for you.

Ok, here we go...
**Me: have you ever had one of those moments when you're day dreaming about recent late night activities & it catches your breath?

Immediately after hitting "send", reality of lameness smacked me in the face and I speed-dialed S. The first thing I told her was my mini-triumph of stopping the wine intake & not lying in a ditch drunk. She was proud. Then I told her my recent attempt with the text. She was not proud. She laughed (as did Dani today when I told her, and like you probably are right now). It was determined immediately that I either needed to stop the attempts asap, or use S as my sexting training wheels until I'm able to go out into the sexting world on my own.

I may lean towards the first solution. But in all reality, I will likely get buzzed again and try it out - the next time I'm prepared to share my attempts with S and if she approves it then I can send it to C. S is aware & has agreed to take this responsibility on full throtle, no matter what the content. Currently, she has nothing to worry about since I am so absolutly lame. But maybe, just maybe I'll improve and she'll be regretting this offer.

After we hung up I had a reply from C. Which I was too embarassed to open. So I continued my drive home. Then found open containers of port-wine cheese & wheat thins to stuff in my mouth, followed by a fudgcicle in order to keep my hands busy and avoid whatever was waiting for me on the other side of that inbox....

I have yet to open it. We're going on 17hrs now. Call it embarassment, shame, perhaps a combination of both but I am not ready to see what type of response is waiting. I'm sure he was like "wtf?" "idk" "stop texing me".

So, we'll see what transpires the rest of this week with regards to him and all of that. Tonight however I don't have to worry since Dani will be coming out after work to get our drink on - I MEAN so I can give her a tour of my new place & neighborhood. And tomorrow I'm back in the 'burbs for a farewell dinner with the fam since my sis is hitting the road again. All of this stuff will keep my mind otherwise occupied and away from this situation I find myself in. I'm a baby, I know it. But I'm just too embarassed to look in that inbox. I'll have to have someone do it for me first...


*I'm a "puke 'n rally" type of girl and its been that way since high school. I blame the shots of Skoll vodka in college as well. And to be honest, only 1x time this didn't work out. But batting 1 out of about a million is pretty damn good. I will now pat myself on the back thankyouverymuch.

**I know SOMEONE has to know what I'm talking about here, right? Its like a mind & body experience. So great, unless you're having it right next to someone like your grandma but otherwise a generally appreciated moment. Maybe something like that would have come off better if I said it to him post-nookie....probably not