This Busy Bee Gets Drunk & Broke

Life has been busy. In the past two weeks I have been reunited with #2, participated in a birthday train pub crawl, got tanked with my dad at a Bears game, worked, and been a stellar bridesmaid.

All that in just two weeks.
I know. I can't believe it either.

And life is not slowing down. Tomorrow night I'm heading down to IlStu. Before the month is over I have a happy hour with former co-workers, a wedding, another reunion with #2, Halloween parties and yet another Bears game.

So much fun. And pretty expensive.

BUT being robbed was a good thing - my bills are down! Since I had to change all of my accounts and cancel cards I was living off cash thus no frilly purchases. My credit card bill is pretty awesome right now, just around $200. It will likely never be that low again...

Overboard

#2 & I have a "date" set for tonight. Which I find out at 9am this morning. I really was hoping for Friday date so we could sleep in past 5:45am and do whateritisyoudo when you sleep in.

Due to our flurry of suggestive texts - both hinting that we needed to be somewhere close to a bed or really a place with a door we could shut for privacy (privacy see: kitchen, bathroom, closet) - I decided he should come over to my place tonight.

"Let's cook something at my place" I texted triumphantly. Right. Well after he agreed saying he'll call me after work, the light bulb finally clicked on: I have no food. I mean, I have some food but nothing to make and serve an actual guest.

I spent several "breaks" at work online looking for recipes with 5 or less ingredients (I ain't no chef) and could be thrown together within like 45min. But I didn't find one that fit my fancy. I figured I would just go to the grocery store over lunch, see what is out there and make a game time decision.

On my way out the door, I mentioned my lack of domesticity to a co-worker who recommended I keep it simple: steak & veggies. Then she pointed me in the direction of a local butcher shop which has great cuts of meat and some ready-made things. It would make me look like a good cook and really, who hates steak*?

My first visit to a butcher shop without my mom. I did it. And I did it a big. And with a lot of help from the friendly butcher behind the counter.

I mentally planned the meal within one walk through then sought the help behind the counter. I ended up walking out with the following:

- 2 NY strip steaks
- 4 stuffed mushrooms
- 2 twice baked potatoes
- 1/2# asparagus
- 2 stuffed chicken breasts** (1 Florentine, 1 regular stuffing)

All for the low, low cost of around $45. Then I realized I didn't have any wine in the house. I usually do, but with the burglary I been spending minimal time at the apartment thus not needing to shop for booze - I mean, groceries. I got 2 bottles of wine and cookies at the grocery store. Done & done. And I felt great. I planned a meal that I'm going to cook for a guest. And its all really great food. Or at least it has the potential to be a really great meal.

And then it hit me. This is like a fancy meal. Like a meal you have with someone you're serious with. Someone you're actually dating for real, not for sex. And now I'm freaking out. Because I don't want him to freak out when he comes over. Like I planned this for him and am going to profess my love or something. I mean, I'm not going to be lighting any candles. So now the purchasing high is gone and I'm stressing about what I'm going to tell #2 when he calls. I didn't even confer with him what he actually wanted to eat, or what time we're going to get together. I just went out and did.

Here are the options of how to explain my crazy grocery purchasing behavior:

1) Temporary insanity
2) Given to me from my mom last week
3) Drug to store earlier in week by co-worker, bought things that I thought I'd like
4) In the mood for steak, decided to pick some up
5) Deny, deny, deny & then suggest we order in or go out

I am actually leaning towards the second option. Or the third one.

Aside from all of that, I had no idea that we would be hanging out tonight. And although I'm showered, I am not necessarily um, ready, for his visit. Let's just say that I have a lot of maintenance to do when I get home tonight. I'm sure I'll be rushing around because as I look out my window now, I see the start to the projected 3day rain storm. The commute should be stellar. Great.

Plus I don't know what to wear. As we all know, this girl is not feeling her sexiest. Fattest, yes. Sexy, no. This burglary has been a huge thorn in my side. I was going to go to the flirty kitty to pick up a little diddy for #2's return. But since my life was so inconveniently interrupted, I am only living off cash. So being a lazy ATM whore did not yield well to my desire to actually parking and walking into the bank. Thus the FK got scratched.

Prior to the burglary I did seem to spend over $100 on new undies so I'm sure I can piece something together. I just have to remember #2's fondness for pig tails...

Yea, he's really creative.

*I actually know and am good friends with steak-haters. I just don't understand it is all.
**These are either for me to be frozen/cooked at a later date OR to give the option to #2 if he doesn't want steak. Which I wouldn't understand at all.

hollywood got it right and i'm totally lame

Movies. We've all seen them. We flock to the theaters or video store or just flip on HBO to watch. There are a ton of genres too. Romance. Drama. Horror. And Thriller.

The "thriller" plot is generally the same. Enter picturesque scene, see normal life of handsome John Doe, then switch to see the normal life of the beautiful Jane somethingorother. Then...
wait for it...

BAM!

Some type of event or trauma happens to stir things up. Then somehow John and Jane meet working through indestructible odds to correct said crisis, and...OMG, can you believe it?!? They end up falling in love or sexing (or both?) at the end. It has the key components: excitement & sex. You gotta love that. Speed is the good example...and by all means, not the only one.

My mind keeps traveling back to this: trauma brings people together who seemingly would under any type of normal circumstance probably loathe the other or just simply, not give a second look. Perhaps its after being a "survivor" of what they endured, natural selection kicks in and you want to procreate with that other survivor. Well, procreate or just have hot steamy protected sex with them. Either or. I'll take the later.

Since 2weeks ago Thursday when I walked into my apartment to find it broken into / burglarized, I have had this intense urge to have some male companionship. Really, companionship. Not just the sex but everything else that goes along with it. Yes, I have my family & friends that have been sending their love and support through this ordeal* but I've been yearning for that different kind of love. The strong protector type support that can just make you feel comforted, forget, take the edge off.

Last week I was getting all desperate. And I might have been a little drunk one or two nights when I fumbled with the idea of calling my ex to tell him just to get his reaction. That would quickly switch to wanting C - the guy who I haven't heard from (nor called myself) in over a month - to be with me. I was in an "i-need-a-boy-because-i-experienced-something-traumatic" moment - well, moments because these thoughts occurred a lot more than once.

I have to say the only thing getting me through it - without any embarrassing drunk dials or pity dates/sex - was my internal countdown for #2's return from his trip. And he returned on Saturday. And I actually heard from him yesterday.

Texting during the day, then a short conversation last night. I am extremely overjoyed that he is home. More excited that we'll be hanging out this week sometime - tbd - especially since I thought I wouldn't hear from him for another week or so. I just can't wait to see him, hug him, kiss him, to tell him my sad story and be comforted by him.

LAME.

And TOTALLY not how our relationship is. Maybe these Hollywood endings are attacking my subconscious because #2 & I just have fun. Fun drinking. Fun sex. Fun. I actually don't even think we've ever hugged. He's just the one night stand that has lasted.

I am over romanticizing everything right now but at least I know it. And I'll keep the daydreams to myself. Let the proverbial bubble pop when we meet up later this week. But for now, I'll keep those imaginary hugs going...


* I really couldn't have gotten through the past 2weeks without them

Weigh-In Tuesday - Week 3

9/29/09, Week 3, 149.0lbs

HOLY SHIT

Holy Shit - like this guys back "holy shit".

Unbelievable but staring you right back in the eye proving its for real

This is what I'm talking about. That number - or the combinations of numbers - is ATROCIOUS. THIS is the number that scared me all those weeks back. THIS number is again ruining my life.

Well, I did pretty great last week with physical exercise - 6/7 days. You can't beat that. And it wasn't pussy-footing exercise, it was hard cardio where I pushed myself every day. And now my foot hurts. AND per my google diagnosis means I have a stress fracture. Or not.

The problem: food intake. Its a fricken orgy of food when I return to my parent's house (where I was all weekend long, starting on Thursday night with a plate of NACHOS for dinner. Nachos people). I'm talking cookies, cupcakes, pizza rolls, candy bars, ice cream... You get the idea. Basically I have no self control and spent the weekend blissfully eating my way through it. I have now deemed returning to my parent's as the Vortex of Evil. Meaning - I eat the crap out of that house.

Plus I had a friend date this weekend which ended with an ice cream sundae that includes FIVE scoops of ice cream. We did not share. We each got our own. And I killed it. Thankyouverymuch.

I make poor choices. I get caught up in the moment. And if I'm bored I may go snooping in the kitchen at my parents' house. I totally threw out the idea of keeping the food journal up to date. It was too much food to even write down! Ugh. I have yet to start up the journals again too.

So its not too late to jump back on the diet wagon, right? Hope not because I'm starting over (again) today. I'll just chalk everything up to the burglary. Then I look ahead at my schedule and I have plans every weekend that includes massive amount of food and drinks until November. And that's only for a week break before things get busy again (holidays, BEARS GAMES, etc). I have to learn how to make things work for me. How to not get caught up in the menus so I can make proper choices.

Here's to a better week...

OH I totally forgot - I did take my measurements today too. But I forgot them at home. I'll report that next week. Perhaps there will be a change in them from this week to next Tuesday. That is encouraging...

GUR

No, I'm not growling at you. I'm just SUPER pumped for joining in on the Great Urban Race this year!

Every month, or quarterly - or gosh knows when - I get the alumni magazine from my alma-mater Illinois State University. And it was only recently that an article actually grabbed my attention enough to make me do something about it. The GUR seems right up my alley - physical/mental challenges in a fun environment. Yes please. This is something that I could actually do and have fun with. I mean, anything that mentions matching costumes, I'm in. No questions asked. Plus it was a bonus that ISU/Normal, IL would be hosting it in October the same weekend as homecoming. Coincidence? I think not. It probably helps that the creator was an ISU alum...

SO I mass emailed all of my friends - who all (or most) attended ISU as well. But I only got 1 bite. HLo. Reliable. Dependable. HLo. We are on a mission to make our team shirts and it has turned out to be more difficult than expected. Who knew that t-shirt making stores were closed on Sundays. Its not 1915 anymore folks. Open those doors. Embrace the 21st (or is it 22nd?) Century. The idea to create our own crossed our minds as well - but those shirts never last. 2 washes MAYBE. Team Super Party Mode will try again tomorrow night to make our outfits. We're shooting for a 80's Video Game-acid washed jeans-Madonna-leg warmers-throwback type of look.

Think Punky Brewster goes neon.