hollywood got it right and i'm totally lame

Movies. We've all seen them. We flock to the theaters or video store or just flip on HBO to watch. There are a ton of genres too. Romance. Drama. Horror. And Thriller.

The "thriller" plot is generally the same. Enter picturesque scene, see normal life of handsome John Doe, then switch to see the normal life of the beautiful Jane somethingorother. Then...
wait for it...

BAM!

Some type of event or trauma happens to stir things up. Then somehow John and Jane meet working through indestructible odds to correct said crisis, and...OMG, can you believe it?!? They end up falling in love or sexing (or both?) at the end. It has the key components: excitement & sex. You gotta love that. Speed is the good example...and by all means, not the only one.

My mind keeps traveling back to this: trauma brings people together who seemingly would under any type of normal circumstance probably loathe the other or just simply, not give a second look. Perhaps its after being a "survivor" of what they endured, natural selection kicks in and you want to procreate with that other survivor. Well, procreate or just have hot steamy protected sex with them. Either or. I'll take the later.

Since 2weeks ago Thursday when I walked into my apartment to find it broken into / burglarized, I have had this intense urge to have some male companionship. Really, companionship. Not just the sex but everything else that goes along with it. Yes, I have my family & friends that have been sending their love and support through this ordeal* but I've been yearning for that different kind of love. The strong protector type support that can just make you feel comforted, forget, take the edge off.

Last week I was getting all desperate. And I might have been a little drunk one or two nights when I fumbled with the idea of calling my ex to tell him just to get his reaction. That would quickly switch to wanting C - the guy who I haven't heard from (nor called myself) in over a month - to be with me. I was in an "i-need-a-boy-because-i-experienced-something-traumatic" moment - well, moments because these thoughts occurred a lot more than once.

I have to say the only thing getting me through it - without any embarrassing drunk dials or pity dates/sex - was my internal countdown for #2's return from his trip. And he returned on Saturday. And I actually heard from him yesterday.

Texting during the day, then a short conversation last night. I am extremely overjoyed that he is home. More excited that we'll be hanging out this week sometime - tbd - especially since I thought I wouldn't hear from him for another week or so. I just can't wait to see him, hug him, kiss him, to tell him my sad story and be comforted by him.

LAME.

And TOTALLY not how our relationship is. Maybe these Hollywood endings are attacking my subconscious because #2 & I just have fun. Fun drinking. Fun sex. Fun. I actually don't even think we've ever hugged. He's just the one night stand that has lasted.

I am over romanticizing everything right now but at least I know it. And I'll keep the daydreams to myself. Let the proverbial bubble pop when we meet up later this week. But for now, I'll keep those imaginary hugs going...


* I really couldn't have gotten through the past 2weeks without them

Weigh-In Tuesday - Week 3

9/29/09, Week 3, 149.0lbs

HOLY SHIT

Holy Shit - like this guys back "holy shit".

Unbelievable but staring you right back in the eye proving its for real

This is what I'm talking about. That number - or the combinations of numbers - is ATROCIOUS. THIS is the number that scared me all those weeks back. THIS number is again ruining my life.

Well, I did pretty great last week with physical exercise - 6/7 days. You can't beat that. And it wasn't pussy-footing exercise, it was hard cardio where I pushed myself every day. And now my foot hurts. AND per my google diagnosis means I have a stress fracture. Or not.

The problem: food intake. Its a fricken orgy of food when I return to my parent's house (where I was all weekend long, starting on Thursday night with a plate of NACHOS for dinner. Nachos people). I'm talking cookies, cupcakes, pizza rolls, candy bars, ice cream... You get the idea. Basically I have no self control and spent the weekend blissfully eating my way through it. I have now deemed returning to my parent's as the Vortex of Evil. Meaning - I eat the crap out of that house.

Plus I had a friend date this weekend which ended with an ice cream sundae that includes FIVE scoops of ice cream. We did not share. We each got our own. And I killed it. Thankyouverymuch.

I make poor choices. I get caught up in the moment. And if I'm bored I may go snooping in the kitchen at my parents' house. I totally threw out the idea of keeping the food journal up to date. It was too much food to even write down! Ugh. I have yet to start up the journals again too.

So its not too late to jump back on the diet wagon, right? Hope not because I'm starting over (again) today. I'll just chalk everything up to the burglary. Then I look ahead at my schedule and I have plans every weekend that includes massive amount of food and drinks until November. And that's only for a week break before things get busy again (holidays, BEARS GAMES, etc). I have to learn how to make things work for me. How to not get caught up in the menus so I can make proper choices.

Here's to a better week...

OH I totally forgot - I did take my measurements today too. But I forgot them at home. I'll report that next week. Perhaps there will be a change in them from this week to next Tuesday. That is encouraging...

GUR

No, I'm not growling at you. I'm just SUPER pumped for joining in on the Great Urban Race this year!

Every month, or quarterly - or gosh knows when - I get the alumni magazine from my alma-mater Illinois State University. And it was only recently that an article actually grabbed my attention enough to make me do something about it. The GUR seems right up my alley - physical/mental challenges in a fun environment. Yes please. This is something that I could actually do and have fun with. I mean, anything that mentions matching costumes, I'm in. No questions asked. Plus it was a bonus that ISU/Normal, IL would be hosting it in October the same weekend as homecoming. Coincidence? I think not. It probably helps that the creator was an ISU alum...

SO I mass emailed all of my friends - who all (or most) attended ISU as well. But I only got 1 bite. HLo. Reliable. Dependable. HLo. We are on a mission to make our team shirts and it has turned out to be more difficult than expected. Who knew that t-shirt making stores were closed on Sundays. Its not 1915 anymore folks. Open those doors. Embrace the 21st (or is it 22nd?) Century. The idea to create our own crossed our minds as well - but those shirts never last. 2 washes MAYBE. Team Super Party Mode will try again tomorrow night to make our outfits. We're shooting for a 80's Video Game-acid washed jeans-Madonna-leg warmers-throwback type of look.

Think Punky Brewster goes neon.

Weigh-In Tuesday - Week 2

9/22/09, Week 2, 145.0lbs

I started off really strong this past week. I decided to keep a food and exercise journal. I'm not counting calories - simply because I don't have the patience - I just want to know what I am eating. I have noticed that the journal does help me think about what I am eating. Or it did, until Thursday night.

After work on Thursday I had a great work out, then met L at my apartment, showered & headed out to a friend's for some dine-in Chinese and Project Runway. We got back to the apartment at 10:30 to find that it was broken into, and my beautiful 40" LCD HDTV was gone, along with my laptop, Wii and all of my jewelry. They entered through my bedroom window where the window AC unit was...its now smashed sitting on the back enclosed porch.

It was shocking and scary and I am very glad that L was with me that night. And that we weren't home. And that we didn't walk in on "them". Needless to say Thursday was a long night. As was Friday and Saturday. And Sunday.

I spent the weekend closing accounts and opening new ones, making claims, crying and eating. Comfort food, right? Well who knows what I ended up putting in my mouth - the entire weekend is a blur. I never laced up my sneakers for a run or the gym either. I was content just hanging out at my parents' house, being pampered with food.

Yesterday, minus the 2 chocolate chip cookies I had, was my day of jumping back on the wagon. I ate healthier. I forced myself to the gym. I want to feel as good as I was this time last week. I also started up the journal again. I think it will help. And I should be back on track soon. Plus a 1# gain is much better than what I expected...

Anywho, this week should be pretty active. I ran yesterday, today is a weight class, tomorrow is that crazy cardio kickboxing class I'm in lurve with. I'll be going back to the parent's house this weekend too, but I already checked the gym's class schedule and picked out several classes to take on Friday and Saturday. Sunday I'm registered to run a 5k - my first in YEARS. I used to not get enough of these runs, and although I'm coming in to the season very late (since its almost over) it is a goal to not let the 5k's escape me in the future.

In addition to the weigh-ins, I'm toying with the idea of taking my measurements too. I just don't want to get too crazed about the numbers on the scale. We'll see if I take the opporutnity to to that today.

Forcible Entry

"I was going to make a cocktail, but I thought that would be in bad form," I said to him, then turned back to making my list of things to do.

"You should have. Its been a long night. It should be the first thing on your list," he said with a hint of a smile in his eyes.

The detective turned back to my entertainment center, dusting for the fingerprints that he would never find. I looked up, sighed heavily, and thought just another victim, and wrote that on my list.