Circus

I am lucky enough to not be an only child. But for the past several years I have practically become one. Its something that I have taken for granted - having that one other person to rely on or take advice from or to just goof off with. I miss it.

My sister is in her late twenties and is polar opposite from me: she is a spunky risk taker who has broken a lot of hearts. She is not always the most reliable or responsible person which can cause a lot of tension but really, her lease on life is something that I admire...and at times can really hate.

For her, college didn't work out. She went to State but got the boot for poor grades after her freshman year. A is actually really smart, but is a party animal which has gotten her into trouble more than once. After that hiccup she went on to making big bucks at an investment firm then she decided to go to culinary school in her mid twenties. After graduation she packed up and moved to Hawaii.

Well, she didn't actually move there. She got a job on the cruise line that island jumps, working form the bottom (peeling potatoes) to the top (Sous Chef). After a year on the ship - and just before we were able to take advantage of her family discount - she packed up and headed home. Without any prospects lined up or connections she was able to land a gig at a local fine-dining establishment within a week of her return. After 2yrs of being fed up with male dominated kitchen and lack of respect she walked off her job and a mere 5 days later was on a flight to Atlanta joining our favorite crazy blond pop-star's tour as a chef. And now that tour is coming to Chicago. And I will be backstage soaking it all in.

I am most excited for some sister time - I took off work and plan to hang out with her during the day before the show. To see what she has been doing these several long months, put faces to names, and to actually see how happy she is with this job since she sounds extremely happy on the phone. Then it will be time to party - I took off tomorrow too just for this specific purpose.

This tour wraps up next week, then A will be home for a whopping 7days before hitting the road as executive chef for a different band. She says that she'll have more freedom to come home for this next tour but I doubt it. I guess she'll have to twist my arm to go out and see her...back stage...again.

Yo!

I'm a drunk bitch. Its 7:30 on Friday and Im alone...yet i'm finishing my 1st bottle of wine & plan to open a 2nd. Is this wrong? Should I be worried about my impending move to a 1 bdrm?

I was off work today - a perk of the job, only have to work every other friday. The p's are in FL (as is my bff S, & C - supposidly for work but he is in Miami which is naughty deliscious fun) so I have the house to myself. So far i went for a bike ride this morning - writing a note of what i was wearing & what time i left just-in-case. I have no one looking out for me until Monday - its time to be safe. Don't think "she's a nut" because not only are my p's out of town, ALL (yea, all 9...lame, i know I only have 9) of my firends have plans this weekend so there will be no calls. The note was the "just in case" because i wouldn't be found dead or missing until MOnday when I didn't show for work and i wnated to give a hint of where to look....

Ok, craziness aside. Can you trust someone who travels for work?

I rode my bike this morning - it sucked. I was against the wind & going up hill most of the time. It was torture. I think an old guy on a bike passed me up. AND there was a worm that ended up on my gears. Ick. It was as if he was staring at me. After the bike ride I decided i would start a new book ("Duma Key") & get some sun. I'm red. A lobster. But the best part is that I have a terrible "beater" tan. From the bike ride. And the sweat has made white blotches on my hands, not to mention the CamelBak doo-dads made white marks on my shoulders...which were not corected when I laid in the hot Chicago grass this afternoon. Dumb. Luckily the 2 weddings i'm in arent' until the fall - this needs to be fixed.

I'm sorry my fav movie is on "across the universe". I heart beatles songs and it is just a great history lesson of american culture (i know beatles are from england but it is about american kids + 1 brit).

and i'm ready to open that 2nd bottle.

and i want to dirty text c so he doesn't do anything stupid in Miami. so far we are still on for hanging out tomorrow.

i have a couple of drafts that are way better than this in the works. let's just say that you'll want to tune in on wednesday for sure....

Damn i am that drunk bitch...

Did i say that i tried to invite everyone over tonight - well, i did. they all had plans. with thier husbands. or fiance's. or boyfriends. sometimes it sucks to be single in a couples world....

jd...out....

D8ing

Being newly single I have realized how much things have changed with dating. In my past relationships there was a set protocol on how things worked: you met, he called, you talked for hours then you dated. But things are not as they were 6+ years ago. Granted I no longer am the phone talker that I was in my high school/early college days - now there just isn't enough time (or patience) in a day to spend 2+ hours on the phone with one person. I get and embrace that.

C is a text messager. I have no particular qualms with this - its nice to know during the work day that he is thinking of me...but we haven't actually spoken to each other for over a week. Last Thursday was a text message day, then on Saturday, then again last night. All without a follow up phone call. When it comes to dating, what are the texting rules?

To me, texting while dating is confusing. I want a little more. I want to engage in an actual conversation to gauge your personality through your voice influxes. I want to ask you questions about your day, or week, or weekend. I want to connect verbally with you, not just through the written form - especially while we're first dating and still trying to get to know each other.

Texting does not lend any of this to the dater. There is something lost while using this technology - quips aren't as funny, conversations are stifled, too much thought (or not enough) is taken between texts, there is no mutual sign off. Frankly, its just not as natural.

Take last night's texting for example with *my internal dialog*

C: What does your week look like? We should try to grab dinner or something
*Yay! He wants to go out...did he really just ask me out through text again?

Me: I'm free thurs fri sat
*Crap, did I just say I was free ALL weekend. That looks lame. Whatever it is only Monday

C: K, I have some meetings in FL at the end of this week. I get back Sat afternoon...we could shoot for that
*FL? Interesting - for work I'm assuming. So are we hanging out or not, what if he is too tired... How do I put all of this in a text...

Me: Ah jealous even if it is for work. Sounds good
*Pretty curious about this trip. I wonder...

C: Yea it could be in worse places. I still hate traveling

END SCENE

Now I'm left with an interesting text-ersation and a million questions: Does he actually hate traveling or does he just hate traveling for work? Does he travel often for work? Maybe he's scared of flying? If he's getting back Saturday will he be too tired to hang out? Will he call when he gets in? When is he actually leaving for this trip?

Besides being left hanging on several issues, there are also times when you just can't let your personality shine through. On Saturday he texted me from the Cubs game. I made some quip about him being a free loader (his friend has season tickets) then had to add "j/k" to it just to make sure he understood. I mean, that line would have been much better delivered verbally, and yes, I wanted to hear him laugh and not read "lol".

When should the line be drawn with text messaging? Is it the guy's way of keeping you at a distance or do they genuinely have no clue?

I Googled it. The issues is pretty split. There are articles written by guys say no to texting while other say yes. Same with the ladies. I guess it all comes down to personal preference. So, the next time he texts to make plans my response will include the request for a phone call.

The Smell of Worms

Ah April. Spring weather. Green grass. Rain. Worms. And lots of them. Walking out the door this morning the pungent stench of worms smacked me in the face. A mix between uncertain wetness, fishing, and some type of metal - perhaps iron.

I have never been a fan of worms. Long ones. Fat ones. Skinny ones. Short ones. Active ones. Dead-looking ones. I am an equal-opportunity worm hater. I was the kid that squealed and ran the opposite direction when the dirty kid picked them up to show me. To this day, they still give me the heeby jeebies. I find myself jumping around them and walking on tippy-toes saying in a high pitched voice "eek" when getting to the car or walking along the side walk. Mature, I know.

WARNING: When Googling "worm photos" be careful on what you wish for as it can get a little grotesque & scary.

********************************************************************************

On another note, I had a very productive weekend. My room is officially packed up - all things boxed and labeled. I thought the junk drawer held all of my treasures - I was wrong. I have 4 shelves on the walls that held its fair share of crap - I mean, memories. Not to mention the little nooks & crannies that I forgot I stashed stuff.

It was a headache. And dirty. And a little tense at times. 3 bags for garbage. 3 bags for Good Will (from clothes to a large Captain Morgan's Bank Bottle). 8 large boxes designated for elementary school/junior high, high school, college, costumes, books. The boxes will be staying at the parent's house until I move into a larger place, and one that I actually own.

All that is left to go through is the jewelry boxes (circa 1992 - present) and the photo collection. Then it is time to actually pack the things that I am bringing with me which will be a piece of cake.

I did find myself digging through the garbage to pull out all of the love notes/cards/mementos from the ex. I decided I would keep a shoebox to store these - I am just not ready to give them up yet. It will just be stored at the parent's with the others for now until I'm ready to decide what, if anything, to do with it.

Ah...Boys

Us Chicagoans have been lucky enough to encounter a streak of actual spring weather. Thursday through Saturday is projected to be sunny, clear, and warm. Compared to the icy rain and 30degrees a mere 4 days ago, anything over 45degrees is considered a win. But being in the actual 60s and 70s is an act of God. Its just plain exciting. And after the mounds of snow that were dumped on us this past winter we're all itching to get back outside.

Which brings me to my interesting texting with C yesterday. It was the first real form of communication since the "date" on Monday/Tuesday morning*. To set this up, yesterday it was 65 and sunny. The context is a little lame but there is a bigger idea here that he totally missed...asking me out Friday night (today). Let's see if you smart readers can grasp this wonderful set up that I put before him and that he didn't catch on to...


Here we go:

C: What a nice day! Hope your near a window and not stuck inside

Me: I'm loving it! Have the best view in the office. Can't wait to get out of here to actually enjoy it. Hopefully you're not stuck in your car.

C: I was for a bit but at least I can throw the windows down! Got big plans for this great weather?

Me: Not really, maybe a run or biking? You?

C: Nope...just got to the gym & then maybe chill outside somewhere

Me: And to think that tomorrow is going to be even better

C: I know, I know...the fact that its Friday makes it almost perfect!

Me: Perfect for tapas & sangria

C: That is very specific but it does sound good


Hello?!? C, that was your cue to ask me out. It was spoon fed. Hand delivered. Out there for the taking. Yes, yes I know he might already have plans or whatever. I know he is going to the Cubs game on Saturday. But that just means a day of binge drinking with a little bit of baseball thrown in the mix. No one needs to be rested up for that, or worried about being hung over from the night before. BUT COME ON! To not even broach the topic of plans for Friday night. Gesh. What does a girl have to do here?

Eh, I guess the bright side is that he was thinking of me. And for now, I suppose that is good enough. Its considered a win.


*C texted on Tuesday that Tiny, a Harlem Globetrotter we emailed on Monday, wrote him back.

The Junk Drawer

The impending move has prompted me to clean up my childhood room. The other day I started with my closet and ended with my junk drawer. Although I thought the closet would be much tougher to sort through, it was the junk drawer that I struggled with.

My junk drawer is the first drawer to my dresser. The drawer is long and thin, perfect for holding pictures, cards, letters, and other random items. It is an accumulation of memories and pieces of my personal history and random paraphernalia. My own personal time capsule.

The trip down memory lane dates as far back to elementary school. Specifically, my bedazzled address book filled with the names of every kid I had a class with - whether we were friends or not. I suppose that is an elementary school thing. If your mom was in any way like mine, you went to every birthday party you were invited to and invited every girl in the class to your birthday party...regardless if they were "cool" or not. I remember the names and faces, some stories about them, and some memories which made me smile and think "what ever happened to [insert name here]?". Its a weird thing, elementary school, because that group of non judgemental friends changes the moment you step into junior high.

This was the best thing I found: my NOW i.d. card. NOW was the every Friday night dance party at one of the schools in the district. You were not cool if you did not go to NOW. Sixth graders getting their groove on with eighth graders. Meeting the people we'd see again in three years at the high school - a little preview if you will. It was part dance, part basketball, and mostly running around with boys. The perfect mix. This was pre-boozing fun. Honest & pure. But looking back at my i.d. card I realized why I always was just "the buddy" of the group - damn was I an ugly duckling! Having grunge be the trend while going through puberty was the likely culprit. Thank you Seattle.

I found pay stubs from my high school gig at the local restaurant. This was great a great job - I worked with all college kids and they loved me. It probably had something to do with the whole jail bait thing. They were essential to getting my party on. They would buy me booze - boxes full of every kind on a semi-monthly basis. There were photos from dances, from football games and parties with friends. Luckily the friends I made in high school remain my closest and dearest friends to this day. Thumbing through the pictures I can see how much we've changed and grown. Its a warm-fuzzy knowing these memories will never be lost since we have each other to keep them alive. Its a blessing. And something that I am grateful for every day.

Sifting through the drawer I finally came to the love letters from the ex. Mixed emotions bubbled up in my chest and for a moment I felt ill. Sad. I was nervous to look at them, let alone touch and open them up to read. Although there weren't many, most written on birthday and valentine's day cards, I had to stop and contemplate what would I do with these now. These heart felt sentaments and memories of how we once loved each other - do they go into the trash? Do you purge these as you did with the bad memories? Aren't they worth more than that?

I ended up reading the letters multiple times, smiling and perhaps letting a tear fall here and there for what used to be and what could have been. I put them off to the side in the undecided section. Should they stay or should they go? I came across other items which were momentos of things we had done: champaigne cork, theater and concert tickets, a brochure. Things I had kept to remember the moments from the very intimate to the very fun. More memories of love and adoration flooded my mind. It was confusing. I know I'm over him. Over our relationship. But coming face to face to what used to be - the love, the adoration, the fun - was overwhelming.

In the end I only kept the i.d.'s and pictures. Everything else got thrown out. What's done is done. There is no more "us". There is no more reason to keep these momentos as there is no longer the idea of a future family to share them with.

I have learned that the junk drawer holds everything but.

Second Guessing

Everyone does it. But for me there is this innate sense of questioning following any decision. This feeling doesn't discriminate. I second guess things from what I ate to what I bought to what I drank (or how much) to whom I slept with.

Why am I programmed to do this? Is it sheer terror of the unknown?

If you eat a doughnut, do you second guess it? Do you feel you should spend that extra 20min on the treadmill to make up for it? Do I have time for that extra 20min? What if I gain weight?

If you sleep with someone, do you later think - was it too soon? Did I give the wrong impression? Will he call?

Even though at the time of these decisions I am confident in my choice, its that short period of time afterwards that I begin to question it.

This week I think I broke the cardinal rule in apartment hunting. I looked up the new listings in the area where I've already signed the lease. There are places that include parking and are cheaper. I feel slighted, confused. Did I make a too hasty of a decision? Is this the area that I really want to live?

This prompted me to jump onto Google to see what was around. I've done this time and time before and find there is plenty in my neighborhood. But this time, I felt panic. The neighborhoods where my friends live and play is about 2miles away. Walking distance, yes. But in heels? That's a cab ride. Now my thinking is: Did I choose a place too far west? Will they come to my 'hood? Can I really ride my bike around? How will I get to North Ave. Beach in the summer? How will I make this work?

The excitement of having this shiny new apartment is wearing off. I am becoming anxious about this move and am concerned it was a bad choice or wrong location or...

What happened to the high I was feeling less than 24hrs ago?

Will it come back?

I hope so....

You know the Harlem Globetrotters are in town when...

...you lie about receiving tickets from a vendor - but buy them yourself - so you can plan a date with the boy you like and not feel stupid for wanting to actually go to see the Globetrotters.

Yup. That's me. Embarrassing but true. I'll admit I'm a total lame-o. But hey- it worked! C was all about it on Thursday last week. And last night was game time.

I drove up to his place in Lincoln Park after work. In the rain. In the traffic. But surprisingly it only took 45min. I suppose I should get used to it since this will soon be my commute*. Since the show/game/whatever didn't start until 7pm we had enough time to open up a bottle of wine and relax. By 6:50 we decided to have just "one more glass" before leaving. We were planning on being fashionably late...

We never made it. They were just free tickets anyways, right?
R-i-g-h-t

We killed the wine. Then a heavy-petting-make out-session ensued on the couch. Things progressed slowly and comfortably. X-rated details not included.

Fast forward an HOUR AND A HALF (holla)...

We decide its time to leave the bedroom and get some dinner. After attempting to find our clothes - all strewn about the apartment - whoever got dressed the slowest would have to buy a bottle of wine with dinner. I lost. But in my defense us ladies have way more layers than boys.

Dinner was great. A little wine bar across the street. Mood lighting. Candles. No crowds. It was the perfect setting for chatting and laughing. Then back to his place so I could call the "roommates" to advise I would not be making it home. Luckily my mom answered and between her um-hmm's and ok's I got the feeling she did not approve of my little sleepover. She asked that I call so I did.

The rest of the evening we watched a great concert on TV - Hanson. It was shocking how much we liked it! They were very good - Mmmbop not included which probably helped their set. Then he introduced me to his favorite artists/songs which for the life of me I can't remember now. I can remember it was really fantastic though. And finally he played his guitar for me. It was so perfect. Sweet. Heart melting. C obviously knows what he is doing.

Everything about the evening was perfect...minus loosing $55 on 2 HGT tix we never used. At least it will make a great story if C & I last.



*I got the apartment...for full price but I'm moving-on-up May 1!

Sweet Home Chicago

I spent six hours apartment hunting yesterday. SIX hours. I saw 12 apartments. From Roscoe Village to the Ukrainian Village. But I think I found it. No, I did find "The One".

Its in Roscoe Village. Near the park. 3 blocks from Roscoe Street bars & shops. Down the street from The Beat Kitchen. And a stone throws away from the busy night life of Wicker Park, Lakeview, & Lincoln Park.

Its a one bedroom coach house with wood floors and a ton of closet space - it would be my first walk in closet! White crown molding. A dishwasher (this is big people!). Its a 2 flat, with one tenant that lives above me. She has apparently been there for over 40 years. This could be good or very bad...

The coach house is separated from the main "house" (read: 3 flat) with a mini backyard sanctuary. A little bit of grass, a bench, flowers. Not to mention the landlord is from Ireland. And since I love accents (plus we'll likely share an affinity for beer) I'm sure we'll get along just fine.

There are only 2 downsides: No parking and the cost. There is street parking but I can only imagine it being my worst nightmare when I can't find parking on a wintry day after a 2hr commute from the 'burbs. Let's keep our fingers crossed that this doesn't happen and I retain my sanity. Now the cost. Its about 100$ more than I want to spend. Doesn't sound like a lot, right? Well, when you're talking $1000/month for rent alone (no utilities included) that means I will be on a tight budget. And this girl is bad at budgeting...especially when drunk at the bars. Somehow that credit card comes out A LOT.

So I put in an offer of $900/month. It may or may not work. The way I think about it is this: if you don't ask you'll never know. The worst he says is no then I either start the search over or suck it up and pay the full amount. But since I would be willing to move in May 1 vs. June 1 it is in the landlord's best interest to meet me at $900 versus loosing an entire month's rent. We'll see what happens. I should hear back by Monday or Tuesday.

Once this is settled, its time to move onto the fun stuff.

UPDATED: ANNOYING - I spent about 10min trying to get this post to actually have paragraph separations. As you can see it didn't work.

2 Weeks Notice - Part Deux

I decided to stay.

The offer from CompanyA is not something that I could give up. A promotion. Matching the offered salary from CompanyB. Plus I was also able to negotiate for more responsibilities - I will do my every day job plus work on special projects with the different directors and become more involved in administration within my own department. Not to mention the benefits at CompanyA far exceed CompanyB's. Hello, every-other-Friday-off. Oh how I would have missed you.

I suppose it was a no brainer to stay once they guaranteed the raise and promotion. Unfortunately it wasn't confirmed until yesterday. So it was only yesterday that I called CompanyB to advise I wouldn't be there on April 15th. I had to leave a message. And their office is closed today - Good Friday - so they won't get the message until Monday. A mere 2days before I was supposed to start. Eek.

I feel terrible but it wouldn't have been a smart move to advise CompanyB before the CompanyA offered was set in stone. Right?

Now onto bigger & better things. I officially have the funds to make the move downtown. No excuses. So I have fully invested myself in looking for apartments in the city. I have made appointments and plan to move out by June 1. Definitely before my birthday. Being 26 and living at home is unacceptable.

Plus I got the the needed kick in the pants from Wednesday's little voicemail. Thanks Mom.

Its happening. And I'm happy. And I guess, I'm successful.

Holy Shittake Mushrooms

A voicemail. With attitude. At 7am. On Wednesday. From my mom.

"Hi Jen. Its your mom. Its 7am. Bye"

Shit.

This is a sign that the date went well on Tuesday. Perhaps a little too well considering I all but abandoned my goal and ended up in C's bed, albeit a comfortable one.

We hit it off right away. It was extremely comfortable, like we had known each other for ages. No awkward silences. It was a great start considering my last date - a blind date about a month ago - was a little intense and did not go so well. Let's just say blind dates are not my thing.

C was sexy in his business attire. He ordered a bottle of wine for us at the bar and another at dinner. We ate off each other's plates. Laughed a lot and got to know each other. Dinner ended around 9 but we were both so smitten that we didn't want to call it a night. So we headed to the bowling alley. In his car. And after about a 10min high school makeout session we actually went inside.

"Let's make this interesting. If I win, then I get to take you home with me" - says C

He won. It didn't help that I am terrible at bowling. And I think I played my worst game ever on Tuesday - highest score, 34. Seriously. He did question if I was throwing the game but alas I was not. I simply just suck. Plus he was getting strikes left & right so I had no chance of winning anyways. And I don't think I would have tried if I did have a chance...

He has a great apartment in the city. No roommates. It didn't take us long to make it to the bedroom. We had discussed that there would be no sex. But there were plenty of other things that were done. All very...satisfying. However, it was extremely difficult to stick to the no penitration rule. In the heat of several moments I prepositioned him and he wanted to wait. What a good guy, right? Plus he was so good with his hands that I suppose I can wait too.

I had to call in late for work. But it was well worth it. All in all it was awesome. The entire date, including my slut-tastic ending. I am absolutely head over heels for this guy right now. He has mad potential to be more than just a date, a fling, a fuck buddy. And I think I'm ready - or will be soon- for a new relationship. Its been over 7months since "the break" and I know what I want in a relationship now. I think I will be more apt to stay true to myself and not loose sight of my needs as I did with the ex.

Our next date: Monday. The Harlem Globetrotters are in town. It will be hilarious. And I'll be sure to pack a bag. And lie to my roommates so they won't be calling at 7am the next morning...

The Trolley Diaries

As promised, here is a brief rundown of Friday night - aka The Trolley Diaries.

The night started off promising. Pre-gaming at bday girls apartment equaled chugging beers and taking Jello Shots. When we walked in the party was already started and I have to admit I noticed C right away. He must have noticed me too (it wasn't hard, the party wasn't THAT big) and worked his way over to me. After about an hour the trolley came and it was GLORIOUS!

On the trolley C took the seat next to me although there were plenty of free ones. We continued our party of Miller Lite, Jello Shots & Birthday songs on the trolley to our first stop: Cans in Bucktown.

It is what it sounds like. You can get practically any type of canned beer - for only $3.50ish. Not too shabby for the Chi. I however am a snob and went for the vodka sodas. They did have the best lanturns however - Modelo cans! 45 min in the bar then I was the first back on the trolley to hit up that free beer.

Next Stop: Redmon's in Wrigleyville. This is considered - no, it IS - the Wisconsin bar. Wisconsin as in University of, in Madison. Shots shots shots. And a lot of potty breaks. There was a small incident - rewind 6mos ago ----

While hanging out with the same group we came to Redmon's. I met this guy who is a friends of one of the girls boyfriends. We hit it off - talking sports, life, careers, etc. The only problem, I was happy clown/sad clown that night. Not all my own doing. The ex's best bud called me and wanted to meet up. He was up the street at a bar that one of our - no, their - friends own. So he came. With the ex. It was so drama (read: my own drama, equals me being happy & sad in the same moment, equals to me hiding in the coat room with the attendant crying). The drama carried over to when they left too. And onto this poor bystander that I was chatting with.

Needless to say we had a drunk makeout session followed by me asking if he remembered my name (name this movie: "what's my name bitch") - which he didn't. Honestly, I don't think I remembered his but it ended with me blowing up and ignoring him the remainder of the evening. Then there was the full blown crazy exit - as I'm getting into the cab I screamed "Maybe you should remember my name next time". Classy. REAL classy.

Ok, back to Friday night - the above guy was there. I did my best to ignore him and was doing great until he got on the trolley with the group. He walked straight up to me, hand out for a hand shake and introduced himself. It was too much. My eyes met L's and we busted out laughing. The next morning I found out from the boyfriend of the girl that he was all set on walking up to me at the bar and saying something (snotty I'm assuming) but he went up to the wrong girl! Ha.

By the third bar Shooters everyone was hammered drunk. The group got split up and half of us were dealing with the birthday girl. I was one of those participants. She was smashed. Unable to stand without assistance. We did our best to salvage the situation - and avoid being kicked out - but the water was not working and even with 2 people holding her up on either side it was no use. She was going down. Every minute. Luckily a good friend of hers took her home after about 5minutes of this. We all stayed though...she's fine. DON'T JUDGE.

It was at this bar that C asked for my number. We discussed hanging out soon - like Saturday. However, on the walk back to a friend's after bar close I was stuck on the fact that C was chatting with another girl in the group too. A ginger - I mean, redhead. So in my drunken stupour I kept saying: "That damn Ginger" about every 5minutes anytime we discussed C & the possible date.

Luckily I was not too hung over the next day - yes I wasn't completely sober for the drive home, but who is the next day. Like I said I was a good girl - no puking (check), no fighting (check, check), no blackouts (check) and no drunk kissing! This is good. Its the first time in a while that I haven't been a drunk lush. I guess I'm getting out of that "I-need-attention" phase. I'm growing as a single girl and becoming confident again.

Saturday afternoon C called. He wanted to go out to dinner that night or anytime before Thursday since he'd be going home (Cincinati) for Easter. I declined dinner on Saturday - no need to rush into things, plus a little anticipation never hurt anyone - and suggested Tuesday. He's calling tonight to go over details and restaurant ideas he has. I think I am overly excited for this since it's the first date-date in a long time. Its not the "oh-crap-we-were-drunk-lushes-and-I-should-probably-hang-out-with-you-sober" type of date.

I'm growing people, I'm growing.

*Disclaimer: I am a huge fan of "The Princess Diaries" (1 &2), thus this is where the title of this post was inspired by. Yes I know I'm 25. But I always stop to watch it when its on tv. I can't help it. It could be worse - I could always stop to watch "Road House" - actually, I do. Whatever, I'm sure you have your own dirty little movie secrets!

Well Hello There

Clowns. Two. In red curly wigs. Faces painted. This was the view from my car while driving into the city last night after work with L. Due to that Chicago-style traffic we had the pleasant experience of "driving" along side them for about 2miles on the Ike. We were even able to snag 2 photos! The first was without their consent but by the 2nd they were posing! The cars behind us weren't too impressed however since they were laying on their horns while our vehicles stopped for the photo op.

And now, for your viewing pleasure

Last night was great. Trolley pub crawl = best idea ever. And I was a good drunk last night. No blackouts. No puking. No fights. I'll be blogging about it in another post but I will leave you with this tidbit...I have a date on Tuesday. Dinner. With C. And I did keep true to my goal thankyouverymuch.

Loss for Words

I got nothing. This week has been an emotional roller coaster with the whole job situation that I have nothing of interest to say. So instead of making a well-rounded post I will be posting my random thoughts of the day. Welcome to the inner thoughts of JD. Brace yourselves.

- Sausage. I feel like one. I have been eating myself into food comas most days for the past two weeks + no regularity at the gym. At least I'm only up 5lbs and not the 10lbs I was expecting when I stepped on the scale this morning. Plus, the weight tends to go to my boobs first. I suppose I should wear a low cut top tonight to take advantage

- Poop. Everyone does it. And it is to be expected that it will happen while you're at work. I mean, you're there more than you're at home. But please, please go to the last stall. I don't want to have to walk past your funk 2x's

- Hands. Wash them. I see you. I noticed. You're not washing them. Not with soap. And 5seconds under water doesn't count. I don't want your pee hand germs to transfer to me. Ugh, I guess I'll take that paper towel with me to the door...

- Party. Its the weekend. I survived a 5day work week. Tonight should be fun - trolley pub crawl downtown Chi. Coolers full of beer. Jello Shots. Pub specials. No lines. And no cabs. I'll drink to that...and pass me that strawberry jello shot to boot!

- Rent. Apartments. I'm looking online. Wicker Park & Bucktown area. Found several that are affordable and in the prime party - I mean safety location. I'll have to wait for L to go with me to walk/look around since she knows the area like the back of her hand. I also need to learn how to parallel park...

- Job. Still debating. But I think I'm pretty close to a decision. I will know more on Monday as to what CompanyA is going to do. It would be pretty awesome not to have to give up my every-other-Friday-off. Man, I'm a bastard. Debating between 2 jobs when so many are without. I suck

- Sun. 2 days of it then we're back to square one next week - snow. Will it ever end? Its April for fuck's sake

- Nails. I filed them. At work. I'm so productive

- Cookies. There is always something in the kitchen at work. Yesterday & today cookies. I think I've had about 7 today. 3 for breakfast and 4 sporadically - ok, every time I go in the kitchen/fax room. Shut it. I know I'm not helping the "sausage" situation

- Bachelorette Party. I'm on the planning committee. Have some really good ideas. Sent about 20questions to the bride-to-be to get an idea of what she wants. Jager & Patron shots may not be on her list

- Monday. That's when I'll stop eating crap & get my ass back in the gym. The week is shot anyways. Oh - you got some Swedish Fish? Hand them over. I think I feel my chin growing...

- Vacation. Would be nice to be on Spring Break. Those damn kids have it so easy. Bastards.

- Stop. Please. I don't want to hear about your beanie baby collection any more. Or your fucking guinea pig's surgery. For over 20minutes. I turned my back to you and began working over 10minutes ago. Did you not get the memo? Plus you're over 35 years old. This scares me. And don't crowd the cube. Its made for one

- Sex. Will I be having any soon? No, no. I told myself that I would be good. No #2, plus he hasn't called. But if he did...no. Anyone else? No one. Remember the goal: meeting a boy semi-sober and no sex until after a couple of dates. Fuck. I'm fucked. Wait, no I'm not...damn

- 3pm. Almost there. 1.5hrs left of work.

- Rock.Band. A new proud owner. Right here folks. My "roommates" will be pretty pleased with this. Ugh I have to wait about 15hrs before I can even play! Most likely by myself. I wonder if I should have friends come over to my parents' house tomorrow. Does that sound weird? Am I 12? Yes. Yes I am.


You're welcome.

Unwinding

"I need a cocktail. Let's be drink/food whores tonight"

This is the opening line to S - my best friend & long standing gym date every Wednesday. She agrees, perhaps begrudgingly since she's on a diet. But there is always a "free pass" card if one of us need it. I needed it. I cashed in.

All guilt fell by the way side when I walked up to S in the new sushi joint in town - she was already seated with a beautiful strawberry-basil mojito by her side...half gone.

"Let's order like we're not planning on going to the gym afterwards" says S

Ah, words that warm my heart. Just what I needed.

We continued our sushi party - 5 rolls ordered, including "fancy" rolls (read: expensive). A special treat since we had a gift card. Delicious.

Several mojitos later...dessert? Yes please. There are a few places in town that are famous. After running the list we make it downtown ('ville, not Chi) and order. A glass of wine later...or two...it comes. We kill it. Its part satisfaction, part guilt. But its only Wednesday, we have 4 days to make it up at the gym.

S is my go-to gal. She is someone I chat with all day during work via email then meet at the gym 2-3 times per week. Not to mention the shopping trips, movie dates, or nights out on the weekend. Today I needed her. She was there. No questions asked. And she knew what I needed. An ear and an opinion. An honest opinion.

I'm struggling with this 2wks notice...I was countered offered and it was good. Very good. A decision I thought was made has been shattered and I'm back at square one. Confused. With a headache. And needing a cocktail - or two - tonight especially in light of the notice and fender bender in the downpour last night - no injuries, a less than 5mph bumper kiss but annoying all the same.

The best thing about the evening was how much I felt she wanted to help. The things we discussed never began with you this, you that. it was always, "we". You may think that is strange but its not. S helps me through a lot. She was the one that held my hand, handed me Kleenex through the "break". But its more than that - our friendship expands more than 10 years. We played Sweet Valley High board games together, watched Shag, traveled together. She is able to help me help myself at times. As I hope I help her. It is a true friendship, a sisterhood.

I think this is what I needed. A drink. A person to vent to. A person that would give an opinion, not say "its your decision, you're an adult". I think we - I mean, I - made a decision. The stress is slowly dissipating. As is that terrible headache.